Help! I've Fallen and I Can't Get Up!

My apologies to whatever ad man came up with that line all those years ago but I couldn't think of a saying more apt.

You see on Tuesday or Wednesday, I'm not sure time has been a little fuzzy this week, I fell in the shower like an 80 year old woman or to be more precise I fell out of the shower. Ass over tea kettle, I landed out side the tub on the bathroom floor in a heap underneath the shower curtain. I had hit mostly on my head and my back, but mostly my head. After a quick trip to urgent care where I failed their concussion protocols harder than a Division I walk on running back the concussion was confirmed. Not only could I not perform the simple tasks they had for me, I couldn't even understand the instructions.

I had a concussion. Again. I think that this is my fourth diagnosed concussion and maybe the ninth or tenth I've had in my life.

And this is how the monsters found a new way in. Spending a couple of days in the dark with little in the way of human contact, tv or light, a blinding headache and a general pain in my back where I landed had left me depressed.

But whats more the anxiety kicked in. I'm worried that I have CTE. The fact that I can't remember what those letters stand for is not helping anything. I'm worried that all the times I've hit my head have lead to the depression and anxiety. I'm worried about how so many of those athletes who've suffered from CTE have ended. If you're unfamiliar the overwhelming answer is, not well.

I began to worry that my brain is already on the down slide from all the head injuries. That maybe that is why I have failed at just about everything I've done for the last few years. What I think is good just doesn't hold up in other people's view. 

The anxiety has become general. I've become restless. It drove me out into a blizzard in order to buy some sleep aids. I haven't slept well in several days and I can't do that again. So damn the weather to CVS I went.

So finally I took a pill because it finally occurred to me and my wife baked cookies. The smell is nice and calming. So maybe this bout to shall pass but its hard to say that while I'm in the midst of it. Its a dark tunnel with no light at the end.

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