Facing the Hard Truth
I reached, what I think, was my lowest point ever Saturday night into Sunday morning. I didn't want to be alive anymore. I wrestled with this for hours from late into the night into early in the morning. Finally, some rational part of my brain that was still functioning told me to call 988. I was immediatley put through to a counselor. For an hour I poured out everything that was wrong with my life, chronic health issues, mental health issues, a missed promotion, a shitty job. For an hour I spewed and the man on the other end of the phone never tried to fix me or solve any of issues. He just calmed me down. I'm not dead so his methods worked. But as I searched for what had driven me so low the answer came in a way I was not expecting. I had hopes, dreams, expectations, and wants. I built things up in my head, good things might happen to me, and time after time after time after time I was disappointed. Some were just minor that bummed me out for a little while. Others were bigg...